Barriers to Listening

I am a very easy going person.. Im friendly with everyone and people usually get along with me fine.. However, I do have problems when im in an argument with anyone really... I have this thing with listening when im arguing.. I just refuse to do it...

I know.. i know.. its bad.. but i cant help it.. I am a smart girl.. i say this because i am academically excellent.. I get good grades and keep up my good grades.. So due to this.. i tend to think i am always RIGHT.. and this tend to lead to me not listening to people when i engage in a challenging debate with them...

I'll give you an example.... One day during my break i got into this very interesting debate with my friend Liya.. She said that pink is pretty and i said pink is overrated.. Well.. she started off wrong.. because she said im not a girl, therefore i dont share the same opinion as her.. and i retaliate by saying, pink are for dumb blondes.. and well i merely shrugged of every single thing she said after... see the problem with this is that we could not continue the debate as time for break was up, and because i did not pay attention to her, with the sole thought in my head... "man she's just blabbering bout nothing"... i couldn't reply her when she asked for one.. and then she indirectly won the debate!... oh how i regretted not listening to her...

I actually have a name to my problem.. its called "egocentrism"... it means... my ego is rocket high and so it causes a barrier in my listening abilities when im arguing or debating with someone...

-Gayathri-

Misunderstandings due to poor Interpersonal Communication

My family and I live in Subang since i was a baby.. However, not that i am a student in Segi University college, Kota Damansara, my parents and I decided that it was best for me to stay in the hostel.. This was to avoid complications with my transportation to college, as both my parents are working and I cant drive..

I took the smallest room in the unit and shared the room with 2 other girls.. There are 8 people living in the unit i was assigned to.. when i first met my house mates, i thanked the segi admin for assigning me to live with Indian girls... im not racist in any way.. I just felt it would be easier for me to communicate with them since we share the same culture and such.. Boy was I wrong!

They weren't friendly or welcoming at all! I felt like such an outsider..I did not feel like i belong at all... the girls made it a point to show me how unwelcome i was.. the girls in my room constantly gave me the cold shoulders.... I talked to my mom about my problem.. and she suggested i try and talk to them.. see what it is that is bothering them..

So i straighten myself out and pushed myself with what little courage i have to confront these girls.. They were the same age as i was.. however they were a lot BIGGER then i am.. nevertheless... I confronted them... I asked them properly, if there was anything i did wrong, or anything i said to offend them... Their reply were so cold and short... One of the girl, Cassie, said "Nothing, whats your problem?" .. i tried to ignore the rudeness she showed and tried again.. i told her " look cassie, im sorry if my presence here is making you feel uncomfortable, i got the message that the both of you do not welcome me and do not like me here.. what i am trying to do is, figure out why?".. i said this calmly and politely, despite the fact she was talking to me so rudely.. I think i got through to her.. because she then replied.. "I have nothing against you, i just don't like the fact that you think your better then all of us, just because your father is a doctor, so you think you speaking in tamil is not good enough for you?".... Wow... when i heard her say that.. i was totally taken aback.. i had no intentions to make them feel like im superior and above them by speaking English... so i explained to them the truth... i do not know how to speak tamil.... i speak in English because that is the only language i know fluently... i did not want to embarrass myself by speaking in language that is so foreign to me..

After clearing the air with both of my room mates.. we finally were able to get along fine.. If there is one thing i will never forget while i am in college, its the fact that, when communicating with people, i need to understand that being clear and frank about something is very important to hinder misunderstandings or misconceptions...

-Gayathri-

Interpersonal Communication

I have a sister name Sasa.. and she is a very out-spoken person.. when she talks.. even Obama can hear her!... however, sasa has a small problem.. (figuratively speaking that is!..)..  she has a big problem!...she is sort-of a push-over... she knows what is right and wrong.. unfortunately, she can't seem to stand up for herself... Lucky for her... im not!... Sigh.. but then again.. i still feel for her.. Being her sister-and her room mate, i cant runaway from being the victim of her everyday complaints and dissatisfaction!... 


One day, as I was watching "2 broke girls" online, my sister stormed in the room, threw her handbag on the floor, opened her clothes with a savage essence surrounding her and last but not least-also the worst part of it-she was all silent while doing all these small 'soft' actions of hers... When my sister is angry and quiet- you know something is horribly wrong!.. This practically meant something went horribly wrong and she is either speechless about it or too angry to even describe it to me!... 


So this is what happened... She had a group assignment, there are 6 people in her group... they were suppose to do a literature review "TOGETHER"... however, she end up doing everything on her own... I asked her why.. and this was her answer:


"Why?! I'll tell you why!.. Because when i called the other 'smart' girl in the group and told her i found the 10 journals we needed for the review, she told me ... 




"Oh ok, thats great.. Now you can carry on to do the literature review..."




.. and can you believe it, she said that with a smile in her voice!"




I asked my sister, what did you say next.. (knowing oh-so-well what she said, without even having her explain it to me).. this is what she answered...




"Well... obviously.. I said........ Ok..." then she sighed...




I told my sister, she has got to stop letting people do this to her.. My sister told me that she cant, its just in her not to say no and disappoint people... So what i did was... i said dont do anything.. let me handle this.. and i did.. i told her to stop this before i did (and she knows what I would do-tell her friends off with a smile and curses in my sentences).. 


This is what she did.. she called her friend and talked to her properly (the other smart girl in the group).. She said..


"Hey Abigail, i have some difficulties with the literature review, i'm not quite sure how to do it. I sent it to your email and i think you would have to complete it and mail it to miss by tomorrow ok..."


There was silent for sometime before Abigail finally replied...


"Sure... ill check it out later.. im put right now.."


They both hung up and that was it.. My sister was extremely happy and well.. i made her look like a complete fool... not on purpose that is... here she was all worked out with her assignment.. and her friend was out having fun.. and her friend didnt even mind when she asked Abigail to complete the review... My sister learned that.. the proper way to communicate is key to a good understanding between two person... and i learned that... my sister.. will never change! Because the same case repeated the very next week!...


-Aliya Atika-
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Language and Meaning

i met a group of tourist at klcc today, they were from spain. they approached me and tried to ask me for direction but they can only speak SPAINISH! oh god! i proudly to say that i can speak 3 languages which are mandarin, english, and malay but i know nothing about spanish even though i have been wanting to take up some classes to learn spanish. so when they stop me and say some alien language, i was like what the hell do they want? i dont get it at all.. but do you all know how amazing people are to create their own language in order to make another person to get the meaning? they were trying to speak with me in english as english is an universal language but frankly speaking, their english ......... is not easy to understand! thank god, the know some simply word like 'taxi', 'where', 'go', 'kl tower', 'spain'. then i interpreted that, they are all from spain and they wanted to go to kl tower but do not know where to get a cab! so i answered back with the simplest english plus some hand gestures, i even show them the way to the taxi stand. by the time we reach the taxi stand, they can see a lot of cabs waiting there, i see relieve faces. i think they had been trying to find the way for quite long already. hahaha! i even helped them to tell the taxi driver where they wanted to go in case the taxi driver brought them to another place.

language is amazing, isn't it? we might not speak the language that other people do but when come to a point that we need to make a conversation, we will create our own word, own language, as long as the message is delivered.

-weipin-

Conversation in Interpersonal Communication

Today is second day of deepavali. All of my cousins are at my house. We were in the mood of celebrating deepavali earlier in the morning, but was saddened by the death of one of my cow. All of a sudden, every one's mood swing from happy to sad.
     The cow we had was very attached with my mom and i would say it's kind off intelligent cow because it can understand you and it will give response more than any other cows. It died because of natural cause. We had the cow for more then two years now.
    When they heard the news they were so sad. My mom started to break into tears. My aunties who are not so attached to the cow cried too. I was so surprised to see how people can be so attached to an animal which cannot even talk, but can be so intelligent and so loyal and tame to humans.
    Even when interpersonal communication is not present between humans and animals, but their way of communication is quite impressive. Usually conversation between people  happens in different circumstances. How people communicate with each other determines how the person is. People from a an educated family will know the limits and decency when they communicate. But people from uneducated family would not know decency and may attempt to misbehave.
     Conversations will go flawlessly  if both the communicators know the ethics of communication. But misunderstandings will arise if they don't know how to communicate well.We use interpersonal communication without any consciousness, it comes by the flow. All the cues, like nodding, smiling, facial expressions, and gestures are important in communication.

     So when you talk to people you must be very careful and always pay attention to what they are talking about. Even a small cue can help to hinder misunderstanding.




                                                                                                                                                   -kuna-

human communication

Have you ever wondered how a two year old child can understand and communicate with you even though the child might not mastered any language at that point? The child might just use sign language or might just use 'baby language' and the elders might still understand what the child is saying. How is that? 

        I have a  niece who is 3 months old now but whenever she sucks her thumb it means she'z sleepy and she needs to sleep if not she would open her loudspeaker..  =) She has a elder brother who is 2 and a half year old. He barely can talk, but i tell you, you should see how he will scold you if you say something that he don't like. With his reaction, facial expression and his tone..Omg..It's so cute at times but when we think about it we know that children can adopt or learn a thing that we speak or do instantly. Their ability to learn is so fast and they can remember a thing/ word we say , even once. 

        We communicate with people with different mother tongue yet we become so close to them even though we don't know them, their culture and their background. Language is universal. Your smile is also a kind of language. If you smile at a person, it indicates that your a friendly, polite, humble, easy to make friend and so on. It brings a positive effect on the person who sees you, on your culture and country. 

        We must know that communication is a very important component in our life. When we are going for an interview, the way we carry our self is also very important. We must know how to talk to your employer and know how to dress to go for an interview. 

        In my course we have to do a lot of talking, that means a lot of presentation. If we don't know how to talk  than we cannot excel in our studies.

                                                                                                                                                         -Kuna-

Listening and Critical Thinking

i hate having classes with certain lecturers. i dont know why i just cant be focus. it could be my problem but maybe it takes two hands to clap! hahah! im not trying to put the blame on other people but can u guys imagine having a person standing in the front keep reading words by words from the slide with "monotone"? no extra explanation, no interaction with the students, no everything. whenever there was some students who tried to ask a question, the lecturer will always ask this back, "where were you when i was teaching just now? were you daydreaming?". see what i mean?

it is not that we dont want to pay attention, we tried so hard to listen, to understand the lesson. apparently, we were looking forward to some not-so-boring lectures but i got carried away each time when i was in XXX class. and now only i realized that was called mental distraction. i tend to daydream, leave my mind blank. i swear i tried to listen what was XXX teaching but i just cant be focus!

however, not all the lecturers are that bad lah.. there are some other interesting lecturers too! some lecturers can just grab your attention when they started to talk. maybe they dont speak in monotone? i like having classes with those lecturers who interact with students, giving examples or stories, so we dont get bored. ill become a critical listener then :)

by the way, miss allison doesnt speak in monotone!

-weipin-

Language and Meaning.

I am proud to say that i am the daughter of Dr. Balaram. The only daughter if i may add. Hahaha.. I am also proud to say that i am a beautiful short Indian girl :) However, i have a problem. I can't speak Tamil well.. No no.. that would be a lie.. I cant speak Tamil at all.. Its like 'almost' a foreign language to me :S... This is due to the fact that.. at home.. my family and i speak english to each other.. At school my friends consist mainly of chinese and indians... which means we communicate in english too.. This leads to the tamil language being almost non-existent to me... and my bahasa melayu sucks like hell.. i cant even reply the mamak waiters sometimes.. i would talk to them in english and they would try and talk to me in tamil or hindi or even bahasa melayu.. This is my problem. Its just embarassing to be an indian girl and not be able to speak the language when neccessary.. I tried my best to pick up small words every now and then.. but it is so hard to keep track of all the meaning, and i tend to juggle the words and mix the meaning and then when i finally decide to use them, its all broken... This is my problem...

However, i have learned that, if you want to improve a particular language, you must try and mix around with people who uses the language daily.. eventually, you would pick it up and use them the way they use them .. I learned this through my 2 super duper cool sabahan friends.. Liya and Sara (Sara is also my puppy's name).. hahaha.. anyway.. I use to hang out with them all the time.. i would sleep over at their house, spend my weekends with them... we were really tight.. So, these 2 girls speak their local language all the time... When  they're angry, when they're upset, when they're excited, when they're hungry even when they're gossiping!... hahaha.. this may come as a surprise to you.. but it was so easy for me to understand what they were saying... some words were kind of weird to my ear and puzzles me.. but then i got use to it.. and i sometimes speak like them too.. u know.. for shit and giggles.. hahaha... but the moral of the story is.. learning foreign languages may seem hard, but the truth is all you need to do is expose yourself to the people who speak that particular language on a daily basis... because if you hang out with them daily.. you would eventually pick the language up :)

-Gayathri-

Non-verbal Communication

I am a person who 8 out of 10 times would have a "i-couldnt-care-less" expression on my face... I'm just like that.. Im not saying i am arrogant and ignorant.. Im just born like this.. Im actually a cool person if u get to know me :).. People tend to get the wrong impression of me.. One look at me, and they would send a message to their brain saying.. "must-not-mess with-this-girl"... hahaha... Yea i kinda look scary... But im not.. I can be when im angry.. but im not when im my normal self..

You see your facial expressions and body language are very important in life. People will judge you according to your expressions and actions. I am a very very very hard headed person.. I refuse to acknowledge i am wrong at any mean, time or reason possible... when im right, im right.. when im wrong, im still right :D

See my mom and I have an amazing relationship.. I am the eldest daughter and so she trusts me more compared to my younger sisters. I could talk to her about my bf and friends and all.. and she would be cool about it.. However, when we engage in an argument, my mom would transform from this sweet-soft-spoken lady into this super-fierce-angry-mama!.. and due to this.. i would just look her straight in the eyes, which would piss her off even more (because by doing that she knows i am challenging her even more!.. hahaha)...so she would then point her finger at me and shout, "dont u look at me that way young lady!"... then i pull out another trick out my sleeves.. i would just casually look away and cross my arms on my chest :).. you see.. by doing this, i indirectly show my mom-"ok so you made ur point, so?.. i still dont buy it"... sort of my way of being defensive with my arguments against my mom. :) and by doin this, she would stress on her argument even more, knowing that i still think i am right is annoying her to the max...

Oh i almost forgot, the other day i was out to Bangsar Village with my cousin and aunts.. on our way to Bangsar Village, some idiot tried to overtake my aunt, when it was suppose to be her way, and the idiot was driving so fast he caught my aunt off guard when he overtakes us.. Man! He messed with the wrong people.. We have mix pakistan blood.. and you sure as hell do not want to make any of the women in my family angry!.. So what happened was my aunt speed and chased after the guy.. and when she was driving side by side him, she honked with all her heart content and my other aunt who was sitting at the back of the drivers seat, opened the window, knocked on the other cars window and showed the guy both her middle fingers!.. No verbal action needed.. The guy was scared shitless and sped off quickly!.. hahaha.. we had a good laugh, me and my cousin.. but my aunts were all high pitch-voice and all.. :D hahaha... good times good times..

-Aliya Atika-
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Intrapersonal Communication

I am used to getting attention from people. Wherever i go, whatever i use, whatever i do.. there is always someone near by or at a distance staring at me or trying to pretend they aren't looking when it is too obvious that they are. Then more then once they would whisper to each other and eventually sneak in a laugh or giggle in between their whispers.

So yea, Im a big girl. And i am proud of it. You see, im use to people staring at me due to my weight. And during my childhood years.. i would be so self-concious. I would tell myself.. look down liya.. and just walk and ignore.. walk and ignore.. At times i would even insult them in my head. I would fill my thoughts with negative things about them. And oh boy! Man can i can give birth to the most extreme explicit terms no one would even imagine possible! Hahaha... Not to worry tho.. My secret talent is safe with me.. As it remains in my head.. instead of coming out of my mouth :D

But you see, I have grown pass this. I am now a mature-confident and sophisticated lady. I could not give two-shits about what people think or say about me. See my mom told me something very wise when i was young. And this message has been instilled inside of me ever since she said it. Mom said that.. people will always talk, good-bad or ugly.. they would talk.. its just human nature... deep down in all of us, we have little blabber mouths :) hahaha... anyway.. so yea, she then said that these people will talk, but thats it.. they talk.. all they can afford to do is talk.. lets face it.. they cant hurt me.. im bigger then them! hahahaha... so since then, I would make fun of others in my head.. as I know they are talking about me.. its all harmless really.. :) unless they try to act stupid and actually comment in to my face.. :S well then.... SAY HELLO TO MY FIST! :D

-Aliya Atika-
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Perception, Self and Communication

Usually people's first impression on me will be good. They think that i am a studious person, quiet and so on. But none of them thought of whatever my roommate thought of me.

On the first week of college i came a couple of days early and got a small room as i was staying under hostel. My roommate wasn't there yet because her class commenced few weeks later than mine. On one of the weekend i saw she came to leave some of her stuffs in the room.i saw her neatly folded flowery bed spread and her leopard printed storage box. I thought 'she must be a very neat , clean girl', and i was little happy about it because i am a very clean person. Then i walked to my table to leave my stuffs on there and i saw a note!!it says ' hi roommate. see you soon . = ) '. I thought that was so sweet of her but gotta tell. Her hand-writing was UGGLAYY!!Then i went to the kitchen to take something and i saw her parcel and her name on it. 'Adelia '. I first saw her on 19th Sept 2011. She looked fine. A mix blood, 19 year old fun cheerful and yet a creative girl. Soon we became close and she told me that on the first day she came here to leave her stuffs, she saw my helmet ( it was my boyfriend's helmet and i used it whenever we go out for dinner by motorbike). She thought i was a rocker chic@ some 'minah rempit.' She told me that she saw some powder thing on a paper beside my bed. She thought i was a drug addict!!! duh...I explained her that the powder thing that she saw actually was incense stick's ashes and i used to light it for praying purpose.

My first impressions on her was almost the same except for one.She was a super clumsy person and she likes to clutter things. But she is a very nice girl with fine attitude.

Her first impression on me was based on the things that are related me me.So she assumed that i was a bad girl with some bad habits. Sometimes we tend to judge others by the way they dress-up, the way the carry themselves. But we might be wrong. For an example if you watch 'Orphan' the movie, you will know what i'm saying about. 

-kuna-

nonverbal communication

everyone will always have some gestures playing whenever we try to communication with another person especially when we dont feel comfortable with that particular person. not that you dont have, its kind of thing that happen so naturally until you dont even have any idea that you just did it. especially in class presentation; we are all students and we got cold feet when we need to talk in front of so many people! and we will come out with all kind of different funny gestures like touching our chins, noses, hair.. swinging hand left and right, giggling.. that's the most enjoyable moment when we having presentation, though people were looking at my weird movement too :(

my younger brother, has always a bad liar. i mean, he cant tell a lie because we will always tell that if he is telling a lie or not. today, i asked him for his exam result, and he told me that it was not out yet. how could it be? it was one month ago since he took his history exam. the paper should be already given back like long time ago and he said teacher hasnt give back! then i keep asking why so long already also havent give back.. blah blah.. and his eyes started rolling up and down, hand touching his nose, chin, ears.. when he started doing things like that means HE IS NOT TELLING YOU THE TRUTH! i know, his history is bad. he failed the subject and he didnt want me to know because he will definitely get scolded by me. so he attempted to lie. and i didnt get angry this time because of his eyes rolling and hand touching face gestures. it was funny to see him when he doing it though and right away i recall what miss allison has taught in class. he got to escape this time because of the interesting nonverbal communication lecture i had with miss allison yesterday! i think he should thank her... hahah!

besides, do you guys know that the way how we dress ourselves up shows our characteristic? i think this is very true, because every time i meet someone who i never met before, i will judge the person based on what he/she wears. i mean a person who dress up so funky must be someone who is cheerful, right? and when we go for interview, we would put more effort in choosing a formal outfit to shows our sincerity. this is the way how we communicate with the interviewee by leaving them a good impression.

-weipin-