Barriers to Listening

I am a very easy going person.. Im friendly with everyone and people usually get along with me fine.. However, I do have problems when im in an argument with anyone really... I have this thing with listening when im arguing.. I just refuse to do it...

I know.. i know.. its bad.. but i cant help it.. I am a smart girl.. i say this because i am academically excellent.. I get good grades and keep up my good grades.. So due to this.. i tend to think i am always RIGHT.. and this tend to lead to me not listening to people when i engage in a challenging debate with them...

I'll give you an example.... One day during my break i got into this very interesting debate with my friend Liya.. She said that pink is pretty and i said pink is overrated.. Well.. she started off wrong.. because she said im not a girl, therefore i dont share the same opinion as her.. and i retaliate by saying, pink are for dumb blondes.. and well i merely shrugged of every single thing she said after... see the problem with this is that we could not continue the debate as time for break was up, and because i did not pay attention to her, with the sole thought in my head... "man she's just blabbering bout nothing"... i couldn't reply her when she asked for one.. and then she indirectly won the debate!... oh how i regretted not listening to her...

I actually have a name to my problem.. its called "egocentrism"... it means... my ego is rocket high and so it causes a barrier in my listening abilities when im arguing or debating with someone...

-Gayathri-

Misunderstandings due to poor Interpersonal Communication

My family and I live in Subang since i was a baby.. However, not that i am a student in Segi University college, Kota Damansara, my parents and I decided that it was best for me to stay in the hostel.. This was to avoid complications with my transportation to college, as both my parents are working and I cant drive..

I took the smallest room in the unit and shared the room with 2 other girls.. There are 8 people living in the unit i was assigned to.. when i first met my house mates, i thanked the segi admin for assigning me to live with Indian girls... im not racist in any way.. I just felt it would be easier for me to communicate with them since we share the same culture and such.. Boy was I wrong!

They weren't friendly or welcoming at all! I felt like such an outsider..I did not feel like i belong at all... the girls made it a point to show me how unwelcome i was.. the girls in my room constantly gave me the cold shoulders.... I talked to my mom about my problem.. and she suggested i try and talk to them.. see what it is that is bothering them..

So i straighten myself out and pushed myself with what little courage i have to confront these girls.. They were the same age as i was.. however they were a lot BIGGER then i am.. nevertheless... I confronted them... I asked them properly, if there was anything i did wrong, or anything i said to offend them... Their reply were so cold and short... One of the girl, Cassie, said "Nothing, whats your problem?" .. i tried to ignore the rudeness she showed and tried again.. i told her " look cassie, im sorry if my presence here is making you feel uncomfortable, i got the message that the both of you do not welcome me and do not like me here.. what i am trying to do is, figure out why?".. i said this calmly and politely, despite the fact she was talking to me so rudely.. I think i got through to her.. because she then replied.. "I have nothing against you, i just don't like the fact that you think your better then all of us, just because your father is a doctor, so you think you speaking in tamil is not good enough for you?".... Wow... when i heard her say that.. i was totally taken aback.. i had no intentions to make them feel like im superior and above them by speaking English... so i explained to them the truth... i do not know how to speak tamil.... i speak in English because that is the only language i know fluently... i did not want to embarrass myself by speaking in language that is so foreign to me..

After clearing the air with both of my room mates.. we finally were able to get along fine.. If there is one thing i will never forget while i am in college, its the fact that, when communicating with people, i need to understand that being clear and frank about something is very important to hinder misunderstandings or misconceptions...

-Gayathri-

Interpersonal Communication

I have a sister name Sasa.. and she is a very out-spoken person.. when she talks.. even Obama can hear her!... however, sasa has a small problem.. (figuratively speaking that is!..)..  she has a big problem!...she is sort-of a push-over... she knows what is right and wrong.. unfortunately, she can't seem to stand up for herself... Lucky for her... im not!... Sigh.. but then again.. i still feel for her.. Being her sister-and her room mate, i cant runaway from being the victim of her everyday complaints and dissatisfaction!... 


One day, as I was watching "2 broke girls" online, my sister stormed in the room, threw her handbag on the floor, opened her clothes with a savage essence surrounding her and last but not least-also the worst part of it-she was all silent while doing all these small 'soft' actions of hers... When my sister is angry and quiet- you know something is horribly wrong!.. This practically meant something went horribly wrong and she is either speechless about it or too angry to even describe it to me!... 


So this is what happened... She had a group assignment, there are 6 people in her group... they were suppose to do a literature review "TOGETHER"... however, she end up doing everything on her own... I asked her why.. and this was her answer:


"Why?! I'll tell you why!.. Because when i called the other 'smart' girl in the group and told her i found the 10 journals we needed for the review, she told me ... 




"Oh ok, thats great.. Now you can carry on to do the literature review..."




.. and can you believe it, she said that with a smile in her voice!"




I asked my sister, what did you say next.. (knowing oh-so-well what she said, without even having her explain it to me).. this is what she answered...




"Well... obviously.. I said........ Ok..." then she sighed...




I told my sister, she has got to stop letting people do this to her.. My sister told me that she cant, its just in her not to say no and disappoint people... So what i did was... i said dont do anything.. let me handle this.. and i did.. i told her to stop this before i did (and she knows what I would do-tell her friends off with a smile and curses in my sentences).. 


This is what she did.. she called her friend and talked to her properly (the other smart girl in the group).. She said..


"Hey Abigail, i have some difficulties with the literature review, i'm not quite sure how to do it. I sent it to your email and i think you would have to complete it and mail it to miss by tomorrow ok..."


There was silent for sometime before Abigail finally replied...


"Sure... ill check it out later.. im put right now.."


They both hung up and that was it.. My sister was extremely happy and well.. i made her look like a complete fool... not on purpose that is... here she was all worked out with her assignment.. and her friend was out having fun.. and her friend didnt even mind when she asked Abigail to complete the review... My sister learned that.. the proper way to communicate is key to a good understanding between two person... and i learned that... my sister.. will never change! Because the same case repeated the very next week!...


-Aliya Atika-
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Language and Meaning

i met a group of tourist at klcc today, they were from spain. they approached me and tried to ask me for direction but they can only speak SPAINISH! oh god! i proudly to say that i can speak 3 languages which are mandarin, english, and malay but i know nothing about spanish even though i have been wanting to take up some classes to learn spanish. so when they stop me and say some alien language, i was like what the hell do they want? i dont get it at all.. but do you all know how amazing people are to create their own language in order to make another person to get the meaning? they were trying to speak with me in english as english is an universal language but frankly speaking, their english ......... is not easy to understand! thank god, the know some simply word like 'taxi', 'where', 'go', 'kl tower', 'spain'. then i interpreted that, they are all from spain and they wanted to go to kl tower but do not know where to get a cab! so i answered back with the simplest english plus some hand gestures, i even show them the way to the taxi stand. by the time we reach the taxi stand, they can see a lot of cabs waiting there, i see relieve faces. i think they had been trying to find the way for quite long already. hahaha! i even helped them to tell the taxi driver where they wanted to go in case the taxi driver brought them to another place.

language is amazing, isn't it? we might not speak the language that other people do but when come to a point that we need to make a conversation, we will create our own word, own language, as long as the message is delivered.

-weipin-